Sweet Eugene's Couch Lessons

There's a couch where I left all my inhibitions and fears
With my good friend Yolanda we sat and laughed and recalled stories 
of the world
of failed relationships
of late night confessions
of how we never really understand exactly what we hope to accomplish 
leading up to our last breath.
With Mona Lisa paintings and smeared yellow walls 
that couch has heard so many tales and secrets.
With my good friend Chris we sat and laughed and recalled stories
of student development theory
of believing so much in people it seemed almost insane
of how we are capable of so much but asking ourselves where to start.
With ancient seats and coffee beans floating in the air
that couch became a sanctuary.
With various friends we sat and laughed 
while pouring Iced Snickers into our throats
and plucking dried fingernail paint onto the floor
and tapping our toes to the sounds of Dave Matthews Band
and eyes bulging at the price of the paintings on the walls
and we laughed.

Lessons Learned from late night Sweet Eugene's conversations:
1. Do You
Life isn't meant for you to focus on others all the time. You have to do what makes you happy which will in turn affect others. You have to make decisions that benefit you. You can't sacrifice yourself for others. Oftentimes those you sacrifice for aren't even aware of your gift, so focus on you and your own development.

2. There is no end point 
We live in a world that has benefited few and spit on many. Privilege isn't an on/off switch and while you can make a difference, your impact may be small in the grand scheme of things. Focus on one person at a time as you try to build a more accepting, affirming, loving, inclusive space. Social justice is a process, not an end point. We can't even begin to grasp what a truly equitable world will be like. One where we don't allow a man to walk free after killing a black man for walking home....one where we allow everyone to love whomever they wish....one where women can speak freely without being interrupted by a man who believes his words are more important....one where women have choice and aren't told how to lead their lives by men....one where all people can afford the things they need....one where consumption levels fall and people only have what they need....one where we value interactions, not our phones. There is no end point, or at least not one we will see in our lifetimes. And that just makes the movement that much more important and worthy.

3. People can be hurtful
When you place high expectations and love into people you will inevitably be let down sometimes. Some people aren't as accepting and loving as you would like for them to be.

4. People can be amazing
When you meet the few...the few who you connect with on every level, who see you, who hear you, who push you, who believe in you....nothing is better.

5. Believe in you and accept your crazy self
If I could talk to my high school self it would probably be an angry conversation. It is amazing how much energy we place into worrying about what others think of us. My loud laugh, positive nature, wild ideas and massive amounts of energy are all me. And I love it. Life is way too short to care about how others perceive us. Those who place negative energy into the air or live life making fun of others are only telling the world just how unhappy they themselves are.

6. There is no single path, there are many 
I used to think I had one mission in life and it was my job to discover it and make it happen. As each day progresses I find I really have no clue what my ultimate life's mission should be. My interests are all over the place: marketing, graphic design, student affairs, traveling, writing, psychology, social work, public policy, environmental policy, teaching, criminology, diversity education. How do you pick one?

New favorite quote: "We accept the love we think we deserve."